Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
