Betty ford says i'm here all night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
