Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
