I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
