Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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