sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
