I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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