My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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