I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
