The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
