Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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