Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
