I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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