So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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