so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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