walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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