Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
