Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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