So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
