That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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