the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
