Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
