I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
