four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
