I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
