At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you made out with another girl for some wings
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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