and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize