So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My ass is underappreciated
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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