I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
