Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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