Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
