the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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