Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she smelled like a LAN party
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
