yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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