So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
