Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
