I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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