sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
