Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
