I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
