I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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