Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
