but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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