I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
