oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
