Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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