What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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