He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
