I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
