i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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