I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
