i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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