That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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