Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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