So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We need to get me chipped asap
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
