i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
