I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think people are normalizing furries
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
