can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
