it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
