How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
