I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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