you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
