He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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