Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
