I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Boobs are out for the taking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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