dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
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