Having a random hookup so left but love u
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
