you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have feelings that need drinking.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i out mim tonsoeep
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