Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
